Deliver us from Deliverance

Deliverance is a London based takeaway company.  They have their own kitchens out of which they make a scarily wide variety of food. Blithely ignoring the centuries of refinement that has culminated in some of the world's leading cuisines, they churn out Chinese, Thai, Indian, Italian and Sushi. 

In order to really cover all the bases they also offer World Classics which inter alia includes England (WTF?), Mexico, the Caribbean and France.

I find it difficult to express how many shades of awful my experiences of Deliverance have been.  Helpfully though, their website assists me, particularly their rather proud strap-line:

Deliverance is a team of people who work like mad to make sure that the most delicious possible food is delivered to your door.

Let's give that a good fisking.  Is Deliverance really a team of people?  I wonder.  A team implies a group working together, it implies humanity, intellect and initiative. 

They work like mad do they?  Having eaten their food I'd suggest that they cook like madmen.  Perhaps cooking bitter, nasty, foul tasting pad thai does require frenzied, uncontrolled activity.  But serving it to a paying customer? That speaks to me more of straight-jackets and temazepam than furious industry. 

Delicious food.  Ah, now there's the rub.  See reference to the aforementioned pad thai.  I have not reached my inconsiderable size by throwing away food I don't like.  I can power on.  Until faced with food from Deliverance.  I genuinely believe it is a travesty, but it ended up in the bin. 

And delivered to your door?  Really, ask my colleagues.  It took almost two hours for their food to arrive.  I stress their food.  Someonelse's food turned up first, confusion reigned, it was removed and eventually what they ordered turned up.

But why do I care?  Shurely I don't rely on takeaway?  Surely I'm dining out regularly at the finest of three stars, or the latest new opening, or that place down the dark alley that serves up fresh civet droppings?  Much of that is true.  But I also quite often spend late nights in the office and I need my food.

And for some bizarre reason, virtually nowhere delivers food in the centre of London.  Go into the 'burbs and you'll come across some great takeaways.  But in the centre of town, located within spitting distance of J Sheekey's, Hix Soho, Polpo and other delectables, you can't get food delivered.

I could resort to going out of the office and getting another pizza from Rossopomodoro.  I could wander up Old Compton Street to Maoz for a falafel.  But I don't want to wander.  I want to get home sharpish by doing my work, having a bite to eat and scooting.

Which brings us back to the ghastly Deliverance.  They get away with it by having no competition.  At one time Room Service was providing takeaway from a selection of decent restaurants.  I notice that one of their restaurants at the moment is Planet Hollywood. 'nuff said. So Deliverance has got no real competition and has become exceptionally lazy as a result.

It's enough to make me rethink Deliverance's strap line above.  Perhaps rather than a string of bollocks, it is in fact a call to arms.  Maybe there is a genuine business model in there somewhere, you know, people who give a shit about food delivering it to people who care what they eat. 

We could tear around making sure that what is served is, ooh, edible and then drop it round to the people who actually ordered it.  All those up for the revolution, follow me I'm off to the kitchen.

Comments

[Sarah]

Oh, I tried them when they first started. Reminded me of bad airline food. I'm surprised they're still around.

[Anthony Silverbrow]

@Sarah I've used them in the past and they were passable, but recently they're just shocking. And there's nowhere else to go which really gets my goat.

[Michelle]

I was just reading your description of deliverance to my husband. When stuck at work in EC2 he orders from here: http://www.seamlessweb.com/ He recommends quite a lot of the featured restaurants, hopefully they cover your area also!

[Anthony Silverbrow]

@Michelle Thanks for that. I don't think they deliver to the West End,
or if they do their website is a bit buggered up. I've seen them
around Canary Wharf and the City but don't think they do the West End.

[David]

You're working late, you're going to charge the meal to either your company or your client...so call a cab and send it to your favourite take away. Hey presto, the food your want delivered to your door.

[Anthony Silverbrow]

@David That is a very good point and not one that I thought of.  Although, how many decent restaurants would be willing to do takeaway.  I suppose though I could get a cab to do a pick up from one of those decent places in the suburbs.

[Al Mackin]

I used Deliverance last week. Thought it was fantastic; on time, really good food. Perhaps I was lucky or my standards are very low.

[Anthony Silverbrow]

Thanks Al, I guess you were lucky.  I take it you weren't in Manchester at the time?